When Dad Feels Dumped

 Just holding hands is a step in the right direction when you're trying to reconnect after baby comes along. Photo courtesy Tiverylucky/Freedigitalphotos.net

Just holding hands is a step in the right direction when you're trying to reconnect after baby comes along. Photo courtesy Tiverylucky/Freedigitalphotos.net

[My husband] had to break down and say, ‘Look, when it was us, you were my best friend and I don’t have you anymore.’ I didn’t know how to respond to that. I thought what do I do, how do I fix this? We started to watch TV or a movie together and it helped but it is hard to work out that time.
— Veteran Mom

Have you ever heard that Dad gets jealous of his own baby? Well, that’s not exactly what’s up and it doesn't do justice to how Dad’s really feeling…

The reality is it’s common for new moms to focus all their energy on the baby, which can, naturally, leave Dad feeling “dumped.”

Babies require constant attention and adjusting to this shift takes time. Your relationship may suddenly look very different, and your partner may feel he’s lost suddenly his lover and partner in crime: It’s a lot to handle.

A veteran Mom at Boot Camp shared, "[My husband] had to break down and say, 'Look, when it was us, you were my best friend and I don’t have you anymore.' I didn’t know how to respond to that. I thought what do I do? How do I fix this? We started to watch TV or a movie together and it helped, but it is hard to work out that time."

Helpful Tips:

  • Emotional intimacy is as important as physical intimacy (especially when sex is on hold), and communication is the glue that keeps your relationship on track. So, express your feelings and let your spouse know that you love and appreciate him.

  • Weekly check-ins are a great habit to build and allow you to stay in tune with each other. Block out whatever amount of time is manageable to sit down and check in with each other on how you’re feeling/doing.

  • Make spending time together—just the two of you—a priority. Parenting can be all-consuming, and if a sitter is hard to find, date nights may be scare: If getting out is a challenge, “date nights-in” at home work great, too!

Also, don’t underestimate the power of a hug, a kiss, or just holding hands. Small gestures will do wonders to keep you two connected and make it easier to get your sex life back on track.

Did you and Dad talk about this shift pre-baby?